


when the night is over

by princessolinli



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: Brotherly Love, Disaster Twins, Donatello and Leonardo (TMNT) are Twins, Fluff, Late Night Conversations, leo and donnie are twins and they’re best friends no i do not take constructive criticism, reassurance, self doubt, tcest this is not for you please leave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:47:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27669073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessolinli/pseuds/princessolinli
Summary: leo and donnie stay up until 3 am. emotional conversations follow.
Relationships: Donatello & Leonardo (TMNT)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 41





	when the night is over

**Author's Note:**

> in honor of my sister coming home from college for a week, and in honor of the book i stayed up reading until 3 am that inspired me to spend another hour and a half writing this even though i have to be up by 8. shoutout to benjamin alire saenz for making me want to write again
> 
> so uh if you read my other fic i mentioned my headcanon that leo and donnie stay up late talking for no reason so here is me expanding on that 
> 
> title from a lord huron song

“what’s the meaning of life?”  
“are you seriously pulling this bullshit on me?” donnie asked, turning over onto his stomach.  
they were in leo’s room, sprawled out on the floor. it was 3 am and they were having one of those stupid late-night introspective conversations, the kind that only happen when you’re practically high off sleep deprivation and none of your thoughts make sense.  
“okay, stupid question. how about you just tell me something?”  
“like what?”  
“a secret.”  
“what the fuck? okay. uhh, remember how i used to steal your clothes when we were younger?”  
“mhmm.”  
“i stole them just because they were yours. no other reason. i admired you.” there was a pause. “i can’t believe i just fucking said that.”  
leo laughed. it came easily, and he realized it had been a while since he’d done that. “okay, i’ll go. hm. when i was four i used to pick the dirt from in between my toes and sprinkle it on the floor.”  
donnie practically choked on his own spit as he started spluttering out disgusted noises. leo just laughed at him. “you’re so fucking disgusting, leon, oh my god. i can’t believe i actually looked up to you.”  
“what can i say? i’m just the cooler twin.”  
it took donnie a second to bite down the almost reflexive response of “we’re not twins”.  
leo must have seen something in his expression, because he looked regretful for a moment. “sorry, i forgot you hated that.”  
donnie almost felt like crying at the look on leo’s face. what the fuck was going on with him? it must have been the sleep deprivation. he didn’t normally almost burst into tears out of nowhere.  
“i never hated it. i never did. honest,” he added at leo’s doubtful expression. “i just couldn’t understand how you could accept it like it was nothing, because it didn’t make sense, i didn’t know how it could make sense to you, i don’t know, this is stupid.” it was stupid. they’d had this conversation before. whatever. they were going through the motions.  
“i’m still not over that,” leo said, staring at the ceiling.  
“i know.” donnie laid his forehead on the floor. “what the fuck’s up with emotions, anyway? such bullshit.”  
“not everyone’s an emotionless badboy, donnie. i like feeling. it’s fun sometimes. at least it means life can never be boring. there’s always something you don’t know about yourself.”  
“when did you become a philosopher?” he joked, but he knew leo was right. that was a conversation for another day, though, and it wasn’t one he was ready for.  
leo just kept staring at the ceiling. he looked kind of distant. donnie didn’t like that. he didn’t. “what’re you thinking about?” he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.  
“y’know. stupid things. emotions and stuff. love.”  
“love?”  
“right, i guess you wouldn’t know the meaning of it,” leo laughed, but there wasn’t the usual energy behind it.  
“what the fuck are you saying? you think i don’t love you? i love you, leon. you know that.”  
“yeah,” he said, “i guess i do.”  
they fell into an easy silence, then. donnie was itching for something to say but he’d never really been good at having these types of conversations. “tell me something.”  
“i love you. i love all of you. and, well, sometimes i don’t think i deserve being loved back.”  
donnie’s heart broke a little. he’d never really known leo was insecure. he hid it well, he guessed.  
“sometimes i think the same thing.”  
there was a bit of silence before leo said, “that’s stupid.”  
“yeah. it is.”  
they stared at each other for a couple of seconds before bursting into laughter. “what are we doing?” leo choked out between cackles. “this is ridiculous.”  
for some reason, donnie laughed harder at ‘ridiculous’. it was. it really was. and yet he didn’t find himself regretting it.  
“hey,” he said, trying to calm down. “hey. promise me something.”  
“yeah? what?”  
“if you ever think that again, remember how much i fucking love you.” he was trying hard not to smile but he couldn’t hold it back.  
“i promise if you promise to do the same,” and leo was smiling too, for no fucking reason, and they linked their pinkies together.  
“promise.”  
“sometimes i feel like i love you all so much it physically hurts to keep it in,” leo blurted out, because he needed donnie to know just how much he appreciated him.  
“you sap,” donnie said, but he was smiling, and he couldn’t remember if he’d ever felt happier. “although i’ll admit i feel the same way. only sometimes though.”  
“don’t lie to me, idiot.”  
donnie grinned widely. “i’m not lying,” he said, but they both knew it wasn’t true, and for some reason they just couldn’t stop smiling. and then he was crying, and then leo was crying, and neither of them could tell if it was from sadness or joy, so they just laughed through it. and they thought maybe, with each other, life wouldn’t be so bad.  
“donnie, it’s 3 am.”  
“so what?”  
leo laughed. it was becoming easier and easier to do so. “yeah, so fucking what.”  
they carried on like that, with stupid, light conversation, and donnie realized it felt nice. he felt nice. he didn’t want it to end. he decided that if this was what love felt like, he wasn’t going to stop himself from feeling it. fuck that. he hated being closed off and emotionally distant, as much as he said it was on purpose.  
somehow the conversation moved back to it, to love, because donnie couldn’t stop thinking about it. “do you ever think about how hard it is to love someone?”  
“not really. i guess sometimes. depends on what you mean by that.”  
“i mean, sometimes you do things that make me want to hate you. you know. stupid arguments and things like that. but i know i don’t. and sometimes it hurts to carry around that love all the time. god, what am i even saying? i actually have no idea what’s coming out of my mouth.”  
“well, all that had to come from somewhere,” leo said, and he was looking at donnie like he was a whole different person, like he was studying him.  
“i guess this is the emotionally repressed side of me talking.” they grinned at each other. “it’s just sometimes i don’t know if i express it enough. and that makes me think i don’t deserve it when you guys express it.”  
“i understand that. but we made a promise, right?”  
“yeah. we made a promise.” donnie closed his eyes. he found comfort just listening to leo’s breathing.  
“you look tired,” leo muttered.  
“you sound tired.” he didn’t open his eyes.  
“i don’t want to sleep on the floor.”  
somehow they ended up on leo’s bed, donnie’s face buried in his shoulder. he couldn’t remember getting up, and he couldn’t remember falling asleep either. he dreamed of his family, and somewhere in that half-asleep, half-awake haze, he realized he understood. and he realized that even if loving was hard for him, he’d keep doing it anyways, because... well, he didn’t need a reason. some things just didn’t need an explanation.  
yeah. he loved leo. that didn’t need an explanation. it simply was. and that’s how it always would be.


End file.
